Lost in socialization

I recently entered the ward of the single neo-adult, and I'm finding that I need a map or some other document to navigate its social features.

I spent my adolescence and first few years of adulthood under what I now understand may have been a delusion that I have a particular knack at being a really good friend, from creating to sustaining a meaningful friendship. In high school I saw the same people every day, and in college being in a student ward and in classes and on a defined campus meant I kept my friends (and my enemies, ha ha) close. This stable sense of community, vicinity, and frequent contact made building my social life very easy. The gathering or the new best friend was always next door, sounds of guitars and fun down the hall invited me to join them, running into classmates on campus led effortlessly to arranging activities. From there I could focus on individuals and nurture strong connections, charming with my thoughtfulness and wit :)

Over the past few days, I've realized I actually haven't been as good of a friend as I have in the past, and I am disconcerted by the realization that I don't know how in this strange new milieu. I feel lost. On Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays after church events people gather in the gym and over cheese and crackers or fruit snacks repeat the same chatter with each new willing subject. I've never been one for lots of small talk and I don't know how to transition from mingling to real relationship with this as my main type of interaction within the Longfellow Park community. Boundaries of complex schedules and responsibilities and distance have left me feeling confused and sometimes isolated. Email, which I once considered a great way to keep in touch with faraway friends and family, is the first method of communication. Gatherings have to be more deliberate and therefore more elaborate. I'm just not sure how to be there for the wonderful people I've met, where their boundaries are, where I fit in. I am sure that other people need strong friendships just like I do.

(This also leads to strange dating patterns, but that's another story...)

So...am I missing something? Any ideas?