not ready

I'm feeling lost right now.

I leave home for the airport in about an hour. Once I arrive in Boston at midnight, I pretty much have zero unstructured time until training in Atlanta ends July 11. My week or so at home hasn't been amazing, though we've had some therapeutic and fun times together, and I haven't accomplished everything I needed and wanted to do. And that's fine. But I really resent what I feel right now--isn't leaving the family at home supposed to get easier as I get older and establish a life elsewhere? My sisters and mother (and probably brothers and father, but they haven't vocalized it as much) don't appreciate that I am leaving, not even for this great new job I somehow got. I don't understand where I am supposed to take up shop between loyalty and opportunity.

I'm also scared about leaving the friends I love. I just realized that I define success in my life in part by the relationships I create. I've found that success in unexpected, often rare, places and separating from that graciously bestowed depth of association is painful. I know I'll rebuild in Miami and Atlanta, even though I don't know one person there, but excavating for such friendships is a very deliberate process that takes months.

So, I'll miss you. Yes, you. And you. Keep in touch, because transitions are hard for me. :)

At least Alise is coming with me for the flight back to Boston and the part of the drive that ends in DC. I think I'm done taking important journeys alone.