Unfiltered debate response

Some of my immediate reactions as I listen.

McCain is so awkward. But many people like him.
Why can't presidents keep cabinet members on when we shift administrations?
You wish you were that guy in the front row, don't you?
Obama is bad at hiding his contempt. Look at his "you're an idiot!" face.
Joe Biden is the best at all of 'em at concealing his disdain.
Barack foresaw the housing market crisis. Is he a prophet? (I ask this playfully, of course)
OOooh! Good question, Fiorra! (What sacrifices will you ask Americans to make?)
Obama NAILED that sacrifices question.
We ALL remember where we were September 11.
I think that one reason Obama's record has been aligned with his party is that he's a freshman senator and that's what you do when you're the new kid in town.
Health care is a matter of human dignity. A right even more than education is. You can live much better without education than you can without health. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness.
In my more childlike days, I believed that having preexisting health conditions was a reason to qualify for BETTER insurance, not to be excluded. Think about it and it makes sense.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Barack. I'm one of those you meet without health insurance.
McCain and his wife don't match.
How ON EARTH is a $5000 tax credit going to help someone who doesn't pay $5000 of taxes? I know little about the tax schedule, but doesn't a single person have to make like $50,000 in order to even benefit from a $5000 tax credit? And children don't work. How do you insure a kid using $5000 of tax credits the kid doesn't earn? US GDP per capita is less than $50,000. Can someone explain this to me? (No, really.)
A 50% tax credit for small businesses is big.
McCain stands while his opponent speaks; Obama sits.
Are they going to have post-debate fact checking again? I liked that.
I have Iraq-war fatigue. I'm sure those in Iraq do too.
Tom Brokaw is gooooooood. Don't trifle with him.
Can't wait for the domestic policy debate.
I wonder if Barr and ...who is it? is Nader still in? resent that they don't get invited to the debates. (Oh I meant Ron Paul.)
Obama has nice eyelids. :)
Oh how I wish America would reread the Constitution.
At first I didn't like that McCain, and Obama too, was using more than one word to answer the yes-no question, but I think his protest was elegantly phrased. "If I say yes, we're reigniting the Cold War. If I say no, that ignores the problem." Reigniting was not the right word to use.
The U.N. Security Council is not going to approve that, but that's a silly counterfactual scenario anyway.
I wanted to hear McCain say "Iran...continue on the path that rocks!"
Why does the word "holocaust" keep coming up in these debates?
Thank you for not saying nuke-you-lar.
I never think of importing oil as a threat to national security, but I guess it is.
I appreciate a good risk taker.
Correlation does not equal causation. President Bush was not the grand menace of the economy.
Good question (What don't you know? How will you learn it?)
Good answer ("My wife would know.")
I want to hear some humility here.
The young people don't have the money for college, and they don't know about the resources that are available to them.
Say something inspiring please.
Sure glad McCain said "comrades" rather than "croneys" again.
Tom Brokaw is a legend.
Only disposable cameras allowed?
That was fun.

My dreams, they're made out of real things

I had a dream last night that I was J.F. Kennedy's running mate in his campaign to be president. Our success came from "riding the coattails of Obama and Biden," a phrase I employed as I thanked the real-life candidates for contributing to our popularity.

What does it meeeeeeeeeeean? Is it revealing of my political disposition and a suppressed aspiration for power? Your vote. :)

Monday

3 coincidences

1) Around 2:30 pm. I stood at the corner of Boylston and Tremont, waiting for the walk signal. Being near Emerson College brought me back to the day in July when Colleen took me to her office to help me revise my resume. As I stood there thinking of Colleen, I looked up and Colleen was on the opposite side of Tremont, also waiting to cross.

2) Maybe 15 minutes later. I got my number to wait in line at the RMV to get my car registered. I felt my blood sugar level dropping and did not want yet another headachy-sick day from not eating enough. The RMV shares a building with Dunkin Donuts. I bought a double chocolate donut and sat down in line. I ate it and instantly felt better (it's not often you get to feel better from eating one of these). Still I felt guilty. I looked up at the marquee to see "AVOID UNHEALTHY FATS" and other diet advice written on the screen.

3) 3:50 pm. I went to the Boston Public Library to use a printer. I urgently needed to print an application for health insurance and income verification. Eight pages total. I had enough coins to pay for seven pages. As I frantically searched for one last dime that I knew I wouldn't find, a young man who later introduced himself as Stewart approached me and asked if he could put a dollar on my print card so he could print his two pages. He left me with 70 extra cents. I printed what I needed.

Fiscal Year 2009

Do you catch a vision the way you catch a cold?

This will be the best year of my life-to-date, so I've decided. I'm going to catalyze by conceptualizing things I want to happen. I have a success story that leads me to do this:

In June 2005, I made a list of things I want to do before I die. I recorded the desire to see Beethoven's 9th Symphony performed live, as well as the aspiration to sing the national anthem at a sporting event. Scarcely a week passed and news of opportunities to do both arrived by email. I found out that the Utah Symphony would be playing the 9th Symphony that September. I bought tickets. Isaiah came with me. Check that off the list. I also got an invitation to audition to sing the Star-Spangled Banner at a minor league baseball game. I'm not a performer; I just wanted to do it. I auditioned, they liked me, and I sang to open the Orem Owlz game on June 24.

May the dream-defining magic still be in force.

What I want during Fiscal Year 2009, in no particular order but divided into time frames according to how much I need to prepare and practice.

This week
-There's an especial amount of uncertainty in my life. I need direction. And comfort. I want to be astounded by General Conference.
-I want to do all the things I've been meaning to do, especially write thank-you notes, mail Bostonasaurus to my little brother, mail letters, organize my room, apply for health insurance

This month
-Get a career-type job
-See Cinderella at the Boston Ballet
-Get a haircut
-Find jeans that actually fit me. This is harder than you might think.
-Get some winter clothes (cold! scary! scary! scary! Do you know how long it's been since I've seen snow?)

Three months
-Buy a computer, more specifically a ThinkPad
-Get an eye exam and more contacts
-Visit Waterbury and see my old house and elementary schools

Six months
-I want a decorated bedroom that somehow incorporates both orange and green in a spirited, classy, pizazzed, Sav-style way.
-Take the GRE
-Learn Spanish
-I want a subscription to the Economist
-Take a [ideally, Harvard Extension School] class in micro- or macroeconomics and maybe Chinese (this is absolutely dependent on getting a real job at Harvard or another job that offers tuition reimbursement)
-Get better at math
-Be a vibrant visiting teacher
-I want a spark of organizational genius

Twelve months
-Save enough money to solidly apply to grad school in 2009, from a test prep class if it's the LSAT to testing through to applications. Oh, and actually apply.
-Fitness goals: this is as of yet undefined, but it incorporates the Charles, Walden Pond, the Massachusetts Bay, my new running shoes, my tennis tennis shoes, the tennis rackets I must replace, the Bunker Hill monument, a jumprope, snowshoes, dancing (ooh! good way to survive the winter!), and living on the fourth floor of a building with no elevator.

Ready for it when you are
-Increased social stability. ha ha ha. This is a euphemism. People usually euphemize to avoid talking about bad things, but by social stability I mean a good thing.
-Missionary opportunities leading to events involving water
-A visit from my sister(s)
-A best friend in New England, or a few
-Monthly road trips (this is actually going pretty well)
-I want to be the most considerate, responsible roommate I have ever been, which shouldn't be that hard because I'm not consumed by school as I usually have been.
-I want to be a better writer. This requires reading great books. Suggestions?
-Okay, I've always wanted a love note on my car. Please?
-I want to experience financial independence.
-Be a better sister/daughter even from far away
-Learn to integrate fruits and vegetables more regularly and creatively in cooking and meals
-Show some appreciation for the legacy and traits inherited from the ancestors by getting to know them
-REALLY settle in. "Bloom where you are planted." Continue to learn to enjoy every moment. Become New England while I'm here.
---
And these are more lifelong goals
-Find what I call "my thing." Most people have a "my thing," what they're REALLY good at and love doing. I don't have one yet.
-Live with happy, responsible, creative, confident little people that look a bit like me
-Develop spiritual sensitivity
-Be reaaaaaally deliberate about life; take control. I am somewhat good at this. I want to be fabulous at it.
---
Trips I want to take this year
-Norway for family history. Okay maybe that won't happen this year because I want to learn some Norwegian first.
-Prince Edward Island/Nova Scotia. Already slated for next spring.
-Florida. I promised.
-Seattle
-D.C.
-Louisiana

Trips I want to take someday
-Sicilia: circuit in convertible when the almond trees are blooming
-Eastern Europe/Russia. Reflect on history, humanity, progress.
-Australia for like a month
-China, Thailand
-Something on every continent. I think the African Savanna would be appropriate.

I know the items on my list are not stylistically consistent. I'm sorry, except not really enough to fix it. :)

I miss...

...Australia. Badly. I want to see everyone connected to my mission. The obvious remedy would be going to my mission reunion in a few weeks. President Coward is moving back to NZ and the next chance I'll have to see a mission president is in 2010. Unfortunately, airplane rides to Utah are not free these days. That is all I have to say.

funny campout joke

Guy at campout: What are you doing in Boston?
Me: Just livin' the dream.
Guy at campout: Oh, so you're a nanny?

HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allison

I am overwhelmed right now, like in a good way, like in a my-face-is-wet-but-these-are-supremely-joyful-and-also-repentant-tears way.

I just got an email from a mission companion telling me that Allison was baptised last month. (I hereby use Australian spelling in this entry. Baptised will be spelled with an s.)

This news about Allison relieves me of SO MUCH of the anxiety I've been feeling lately about my mission. I feel regrets so keenly and always wonder whether I did well enough.

Here's the story:

I felt that each proselyting area had a unique character that needed to be considered when deciding what kind of activities to do to find people. My desire to identify and then do just what was appropriate was so intense that it was painful. (In one of my areas this involved going on the weekly walk down the river that the recovering addicts went on and then going to their crafty class after.) When I arrived in Frankston North, I could feel that there was something VERY specific we needed to do. I fasted and prayed and agonized and the unmistakable answer was Doctrine and Covenants 111:2-3.

2 I have much treasure in this city for you, for the benefit of Zion, and many people in this city, whom I will gather out in due time for the benefit of Zion, through your instrumentality.

3 Therefore, it is expedient that you should form acquaintance with men in this city, as you shall be led, and as it shall be given you.

For some reason I took this to mean that we needed to focus on becoming more visible through obvious service. The day after we talked about this, and without planning to, Sister Mesake and I went to contact a media referral whom we'd tried to call unsuccessfully a dozen times. Peta. This time we actually stopped by her house. It was Thursday. We found her outside. She was moving to Adelaide on Monday. DING DING DING DING SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They desperately needed us because she and her friends were few and all had various ailments that meant they weren't going to be able to get it done without a LOT of help. We promised them the help of six valiant young men (the zone leaders, district leader and district members) and they promised sandwiches. Both the lovely sister missionaries and the ladies we'd just met recognized the providential significance of the mere fact that we were there when they needed help.

So we helped pack, move, and clean Peta's house. This was a monumental moving job. She had SO MUCH STUFF. The kind of stuff most people wouldn't want to keep. The house was covered with birdseed from her pet sulphur-crested cockatoo...what was his name? Sweet Pea. The elders sure earned their share of cucumber sandwiches.

So we got the house packed. Peta drove off in her moving van with her pet parrot. We didn't finish cleaning the house.

CUE IN ALLISON!

Allison was Peta's best friend. She had the responsibility of the loyal friend to clean the house after Peta's departure. She had some nerve problems in her leg. We offered to come back the next day and help her get the place ready for move-out inspection.

CUE IN TJ, KIRSTIE, AND CHRIS!

Other best friends of Peta's. TJ was the mother. She was in a wheelchair. Kirstie and Chris were her kids. They helped too.

We cleaned the house alllllllllllllllllll day. It was hot hot hot hot hot. There was no getting rid of the birdseed. There was some ambitious cleaning to be done...oh I don't want to think of it.

At the end of the day, we found ourselves all sitting on the kitchen floor and the topic "naturally" turned to religion. It was Sister Nilsen, Sister Mesake, Allison, her daughter, TJ, Kirstie, and Chris. We found out the kids knew very little about Christ and asked them if they wanted to learn more. They did. We taught TJ, Kirstie, and Chris a few times. They had us over for dinner, even in their disadvantaged circumstances. It was frozen lasagne and trifle and they were so proud of it. They loved having us and I had some powerful experiences teaching them. We tried so hard to get them to church but it never happened.

Allison came for dinner too. We taught something, I don't remember. She invited us over for a Christmas barbecue. She said to consider ourselves family and come over whenever, but that it doesn't have to be about work and to come watch movies. (ha, movies...) She said she respected our beliefs but had her own. That's all I knew because I got transferred and different missionaries went to her Christmas barbecue and I never saw Frankston again.

This is what I heard from Sister Mesake tonight: "Allison got baptised in August. We went to a musical fireside in Frankston. She read her diary and her conversion story. She mentioned our names. I was crying looking back to that hot day packing and cleaning the house..."

Me too, Sister Mesake. It's been nearly a year since we all met. I would have never guessed that out of all those people we met through that service project, Allison would have continued to learn from the missionaries and join the church. These people are engraved on my heart. I feel such release from knowing that the work I put into getting the answer of what to do actually means a changed life. In other words, I feel like I did something right. I feel increased confidence in the process of personal revelation and that I can get the answers I need. The only word I can say about the arrival of this confidence is timely.

A Couplet

O quill, O sword, O Pilot G-2s
You are the only pen I use.

HA! :) I am cracking myself up!

I went to a public service graduate school fair the other day and came home with a purse full of sweet pens, thinking I was pretty flash for getting free stuff. But today while I organized my room I realized I'm never going to use them because I enjoy using only one type of writing implement. So now I just have a bunch of extra pens (do you need one?). Thus was born this inky little duo of a rhyme.

I've been initiated

I got my first parking ticket today. Just $20 for "STORAGE (OVER 24HRS)." Fair enough, because I've been parking in Cambridge sans parking permit for 2.5 weeks now. It's worked so far with a strategic combination of meter parking overnight, a visitor permit, the use of our parking lot on weekends, and a non-permit location protected by roommate pact.

I just found a spot in the secret strip of non-permit parking, and I subconsciously constructed this thank-you song to the tune of "Sono un figlio di Dio." I'm not certain yet whether it's irreverent. I don't think it is because I mean it!

Padre Celeste ti ringraziam
perche' parcheggiato noi abbiam
e piu' biglietti non ne avro' mai.
Posto libero tu macchina hai.


(My Colorado registration expires just about now so I'll be dressing the Batmobile in Mass plates and a Cambridge sticker in a matter of weeks.)

Election Year Reminiscings

I am very protective of my political soul.

I chose political science as my major at BYU because (aside from the fact that they had just discontinued the international politics major) I wanted to better understand, and to love, the world as a whole and its people. That happened.

I see myself as more of a dispassionate observer than an ideologue. I am loyal to idea(l)s (oft-incongruous streaks of classical liberalism, responsibility, populism, liberty, social justice at home and abroad) but not to partisanship. This makes it difficult for me to discuss politics with many people who have packaged party loyalties. If I have talked about government or elections or institutions or anything related with you, you can take that as evidence that I place significant trust in you and your personality.

Election Night is delicious like Christmas. I watch C-SPAN when no one's looking. I watch CNN when people are looking.

My running joke about what I studied: Political science is the only major you can have that everyone else thinks they know more about than you. Think about it.

My dad took me to the Connecticut State Capitol when I was little. I couldn't have been older than five years old. Okay maybe six. There was some scandal going on and TV cameras were following the governor around. They got a glimpse of me and I told all my friends.

My first-grade class visited the office of the mayor of Waterbury. He was also caught in a scandal. I remember seeing him smoking in the stairwell of my elementary school and resenting him for it.

I remember in third grade watching Mrs. Dutil tally the votes from the mock presidential election we seven-year-olds staged and wondering how all those kids didn't know that Bill Clinton was the wrong choice (context: conservative family roots living in semi-urban Connecticut).

I grew up wanting to be a doctor and knowing that it was completely within my capabilities. At some point this meant oncologist, at another orthodontist. If I were to choose now, it would be heart surgeon. Sometimes I regret having chosen another lifestyle, especially since the reasons for which I made that decision have not yet materialized. I changed my mind in October 2001, when my dad took me with him on a business trip to Washington, D.C. The city had an electric and noble energy and I just wanted to be there. I felt the honor and sacrifice that had gone into building the edifices of the U.S. Government. I felt the urgent and agonizing desire presidents have had to govern well as I walked through the FDR memorial.

I threw three parties in 2004. One was a well attended presidential debate party. Another centered around my departure for Athens for a month for the Olympics; the third, my birthday.

2004 was my favorite election year. Campaign finance laws had just been revamped and a new, messy dynamic was emerging. I spent the evening in a TV studio watching election returns and exchanging predictions with the other poli sci students and statisticians. Remember Election Night is like Christmas. This was like Election Night in 3-D Dolby Surround Sound panoramic IMAX HDTV--better than you've ever done Election Night before. Why am I capitalizing Election Night? I became an analyst for the elections in the Northeast. I focused on the races involving Charles Schumer, the most expensive senatorial campaign in the country, the gubernatorial race in Vermont, that race between two women in Pennsylvania, and presidential electoral votes. This involved a 10-minute live interview, questioning being done by Dean Magleby and Dr. Patterson. I said some reasonably knowledgable things and was surprised by an unexpected personal question I hadn't prepared for and gave an embarrassing response. I suspect this explains my B+ in the class despite working very hard.

I detest cynicism. People are mostly good. These good people work for the government. The government was not constructed as it was with the goal of efficiency. Checks and balances intentionally obstruct efficiency. The bureaucracy is how the executive branch accomplishes its mandates, not a dirty word and not something that was designed to make life harder.

I am concerned by public sentiment toward presidential politics. The office of the President of the United States is one to be respected. The man who fills the role now has had enormous burdens and I wish him relieving rest come January 20, 2009. I hope the man who next fills the role is the right one for this unprecedentedly complex global scenario he will inherit. I will teach my children to respect all public officials whether or not they agree with their policies.

i dream of ...lost scriptures

A selection from last night's dreams:

I got home to a surprise waiting for me on my bed--a book, still wrapped in its plastic packaging. I hadn't expected this book to arrive but it felt like I'd been anticipating it my whole life. I knew immediately what it was and opened it. It looked and felt exactly like my green triple combination but without the index tabs or my name engraved on the cover. So it looked like this.

It was the first print edition of (previously) lost scripture, in the early stages of worldwide distribution. My friends and family were there and their copies had already been delivered.

I was captured by the momentousness of the occasion, talking to everyone around me about how exciting it would be to discover the words for the first time. It would take a significant investment to get to know this addition to the canon. As I looked through the pages, I noticed that the names of people I knew and loved were in the stories. The text was not yet divided into verses, just paragraphs. It was commonly understood that this would not be the last of its kind.

I'm so pleased that I remember this dream. It has colored my morning with a feeling of hopeful anticipation and a sense of relief.