Listen, something extraordinary has been going on in my young single adult branch over the past couple of months. I've been part of several conversations marveling over how happy we are with our little group and wondering what caused the change. It has made my experience so far highly rewarding. Feeling especially wonderful and surprised, I sent this last night to about 15 people that I feel close to. You know most of it already.
Subject: I'm not just doing this because it's Thanksgiving
My dear familia Miamiana:
Hi. This email is meant to be serious. Don't laugh too much :)
In Australia, they've invented the second person plural--they often say "yous" when they're talking to more than one person. I'm writing to say, so eloquently, that I <3 yous. A lot. I'm serious!!!
Here's a good story: getting in to Teach for America (the organization that brought me here) is kind of like getting a mission call: you apply and go through this crazy interview process, which includes choosing among 30 different regions that you'd like to move to. If you get in, you either accept the region they assign you to or you reject it. I've always wanted to live in Washington, D.C., so I thought that would be my obvious first choice. I researched each of the regions: whether they had a YSA ward, whether I'd like the local culture, the cost of living, whether there was a temple nearby, and Miami was not on my list of preferred areas. But as I prayed about it and talked to one of my friends about it, I couldn't forget Miami. I decided to look up the institute director and email him to find out more about the YSA network here. As I began the email "Dear Brother C, I am considering a move to Miami...", I experienced a profound sense of "this could be right..." and sat there at my desk at work and cried (for thankfulness). I usually don't get answers to prayers that way--usually I just decide what I want to do and ask whether there will be a stamp of approval. It was remarkable.
So I did something bold: put Miami as my only highly preferred region, removing D.C., Boston, and other areas I'd considered from the list. When I got my assignment a month and a half later and saw that I was assigned to Miami, I felt closer to eternity, that God wanted me here, that I could receive personal revelation, that this was going to be huge. It was really overwhelming for me to leave Boston, the land of my ancestors, to leave my closest friends and go where I had no family or friends and can't speak the language :) to begin an incredibly difficult job. I held my breath, packed my car, and fled New England by night.
Now.
(This is the part where words escape me.) It is so surprising to me how connected I feel to all of you, how comfortable and valued and confident and loved I feel here. I can't believe it. My happiness quotient has multiplied like 5,000 times since getting to know you. Thinking about Sundays and Wednesday nights and anything else where we get together gets me through the week. So, thank you, you're beautiful, I'm adopting you as my family here. Settled.
I luuuuurrrrrrrrve you.
Savanna
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
is this my industry?
This is my graduate school application essay. It is my first and only draft, so I hope there aren't any embarrassing errors. Quotes are correctly referenced in the original document.
A gaping disparity separates what students from low-income communities and their contemporaries in wealthier neighborhoods achieve in school. Known as the achievement gap, this divide usually means lower high school graduation rates and limited salaries and opportunities for America’s racial minorities. The achievement gap is currently considered to be one of the most salient injustices in America as well as the theatre where this generation’s civil rights battle is played out.
Though it is impossible to isolate the cause of the achievement gap, it has mobilized reform-minded civil servants, education administrators, and private companies to attempt to solve the problem. One idea that is currently being systematically and scientifically researched is providing tangible incentives to students for their performance in school. Outside of elementary and secondary education, individuals and organizations work for incentives. Employees go to work and fulfill expectations in order to earn money; companies compete to make better products so they can increase their value; nations on the international stage align their conduct to get international aid. People generally make choices that will maximize the benefits that they get out of their actions.
Innovators in education have noted the importance of incentives in most aspects of modern life and reason that providing incentives for student performance will train students early on in the value of hard work and supplement the joy of learning with rewards that students in wealthier families often receive but students from low-income communities do not have access to. One line of reasoning is that if students cannot see how doing well in school will benefit their lives, if the incentives are too far removed from their interests, they may choose activities that are contrary to academic performance. Competing interests include “gang members who encourage kids to drop out and sell drugs and parents who urge their children to drop out, get a job, and help support the family”.
The premier social scientist who is studying how incentives influence student achievement is Roland Fryer, economist at Harvard and head of its Education Innovation Laboratory. Through partnerships with three of America’s largest school districts, where the achievement gap is the most pronounced, the Education Innovation Laboratory pays students cash in return for good grades, attendance, and classroom behavior. Students in Chicago, New York, and Washington, D.C. receive money according to specified indicators of performance as reported by their teachers. Because of the prominence and scope of his study, this essay uses Dr. Fryer’s work to explore how providing incentives to students for their performance affects and is viewed by their teachers, students, school administrators, and the local community.
The practice of giving students rewards for their grades is both celebrated and criticized. Critics contend that giving cash for grades undermines the joy of learning and even equates to bribing students. Advocates, including the scientists who study the effect of incentives and the administrators whose job it is to oversee students, say the solution is worth a try and is valuable as long as it yields results. Students appreciate the money. Members of the community, including parents and local media outlets, have expressed both concern and support.
Since they see manifestations of the achievement gap every day, teachers are highly affected by this issue. They play a crucial role in measuring and reporting students’ performance. Teachers whose students were involved in Dr. Fryer’s study, many of whom were skeptical at first, reported improvements in their pupils’ performance. Teachers also have incentive to improve student performance. At one school in New York City, teachers were eligible to receive a bonus of up to $3,000 when their students’ state test scores improved.
As student achievement is the primary purpose for the study on how cash incentives influence academic performance, considering how the issue affects and is viewed by students is most relevant. Official results and analysis from the Education Innovation Laboratory are not yet available, but a similar program that provided incentives for scores on Advanced Placement tests reported better scores on tests and more students going on to attend college. Similarly, anecdotal evidence from the Education Innovation Laboratory preliminarily displays improvement in academic performance.
Of course, as benefactors of the Education Innovation Laboratory rewards, students have positive reviews. Many students are enthusiastic and give thoughtful reflections about the effects of receiving money for their efforts. One 12-year-old seventh grader in the Washington, D.C. district said "I think it's a good way to motivate kids to do good work…. I think it's a good idea for the public schools." A 14-year-old student in Chicago said "I'm happy because I'm getting paid for my grades. And so, I want to work harder." This student’s response shows that receiving incentives for high performance has the correlative effect of feeling good about doing well, which could nurture an inherent joy for learning.
Administrators have a huge stake in making sure that student performance improves. In Washington, D.C., the intent of Chancellor Michelle Rhee’s appointment was largely to confront the district’s achievement gap. In her district, 36 percent of students are proficient in reading and 33 percent are proficient in math. Rhee is in favor of the controversial incentives-based program as far as it is effective, saying that it is worth a try. The focus in Washington, D.C. is on middle school students, since that is the time when students have the most difficulties with behavior and academic performance. Providing incentives helps them connect current performance with future success. Rhee says that “expecting students to do well in middle school is asking them to make a calculation on skills that will help them graduate from high school and succeed in college, ideas that to them are foreign and very far away." Rhee’s perspective is similar to that of former Chicago Public Schools CEO Arne Duncan and other administrators who are willing to test any promising strategy that will improve student performance.
While district administrators have embraced incentives for student performance, school principals have been wary of the program at first but have changed their minds upon seeing results. For example, Sheila Richards, principal of a school in Brooklyn, was opposed to Fryer’s project until she saw marked increases in student grades and students learning new values and skills to take care of their money by saving it in bank accounts. Other principals were skeptical until Dr. Fryer pitched it to them then said “We want to do whatever it takes, so if this is it, I am going to get on board.”
Parents have had mixed reactions to the practice of providing cash incentives to students for their performance. Michelle Rhee says that she has received no complaints from parents of students who are in the program. One parent and activist in D.C., though, is reported to have said that she wants her kids “to see reading and learning as something they want to do their entire life, not just something they're getting money for doing."
The achievement gap has effects beyond those on the lives of teachers, students, their families and administrators: the vibrancy of local communities depends on the strength of its citizens. In Chicago, one of the test areas where selected students in public schools receive cash for their grades, the Chicago Sun-Times published an editorial in favor of Dr. Fryer’s work for the benefits it could provide to society, saying “we like this idea and, if anything, it doesn't go far enough.” The editorial says that the rest of the world is driven by incentives so if that’s how children are going to learn, learning needs to become students’ paying job. Students must learn skills that will help them understand the world and function effectively in society, and the eventual rewards extend beyond what the students receive to benefit society.
My appreciation of this issue will be expressed most in my day-to-day classroom activities. Equipped with an understanding of how incentives for performance help students connect their daily performance in school with what they want on both the short-term and long-term scale, I can adjust my classroom efforts to maximize student achievement. While I have neither the organizational support nor the resources to give my students cash incentives, I can create a predictable, reliable, privilege-bearing incentives system that will help children realize the benefits of doing well on tests, having good attendance, and behaving well in class. I can generate reports that show the correlation between the receipt of incentives and indicators of student performance. Then, if studies such as Dr. Fryer’s ever extend to the Miami-Dade area, I can be a voice of support, having conclusive data that shows such a program can work for the students who are now limited by Miami-Dade’s achievement gap.
A gaping disparity separates what students from low-income communities and their contemporaries in wealthier neighborhoods achieve in school. Known as the achievement gap, this divide usually means lower high school graduation rates and limited salaries and opportunities for America’s racial minorities. The achievement gap is currently considered to be one of the most salient injustices in America as well as the theatre where this generation’s civil rights battle is played out.
Though it is impossible to isolate the cause of the achievement gap, it has mobilized reform-minded civil servants, education administrators, and private companies to attempt to solve the problem. One idea that is currently being systematically and scientifically researched is providing tangible incentives to students for their performance in school. Outside of elementary and secondary education, individuals and organizations work for incentives. Employees go to work and fulfill expectations in order to earn money; companies compete to make better products so they can increase their value; nations on the international stage align their conduct to get international aid. People generally make choices that will maximize the benefits that they get out of their actions.
Innovators in education have noted the importance of incentives in most aspects of modern life and reason that providing incentives for student performance will train students early on in the value of hard work and supplement the joy of learning with rewards that students in wealthier families often receive but students from low-income communities do not have access to. One line of reasoning is that if students cannot see how doing well in school will benefit their lives, if the incentives are too far removed from their interests, they may choose activities that are contrary to academic performance. Competing interests include “gang members who encourage kids to drop out and sell drugs and parents who urge their children to drop out, get a job, and help support the family”.
The premier social scientist who is studying how incentives influence student achievement is Roland Fryer, economist at Harvard and head of its Education Innovation Laboratory. Through partnerships with three of America’s largest school districts, where the achievement gap is the most pronounced, the Education Innovation Laboratory pays students cash in return for good grades, attendance, and classroom behavior. Students in Chicago, New York, and Washington, D.C. receive money according to specified indicators of performance as reported by their teachers. Because of the prominence and scope of his study, this essay uses Dr. Fryer’s work to explore how providing incentives to students for their performance affects and is viewed by their teachers, students, school administrators, and the local community.
The practice of giving students rewards for their grades is both celebrated and criticized. Critics contend that giving cash for grades undermines the joy of learning and even equates to bribing students. Advocates, including the scientists who study the effect of incentives and the administrators whose job it is to oversee students, say the solution is worth a try and is valuable as long as it yields results. Students appreciate the money. Members of the community, including parents and local media outlets, have expressed both concern and support.
Since they see manifestations of the achievement gap every day, teachers are highly affected by this issue. They play a crucial role in measuring and reporting students’ performance. Teachers whose students were involved in Dr. Fryer’s study, many of whom were skeptical at first, reported improvements in their pupils’ performance. Teachers also have incentive to improve student performance. At one school in New York City, teachers were eligible to receive a bonus of up to $3,000 when their students’ state test scores improved.
As student achievement is the primary purpose for the study on how cash incentives influence academic performance, considering how the issue affects and is viewed by students is most relevant. Official results and analysis from the Education Innovation Laboratory are not yet available, but a similar program that provided incentives for scores on Advanced Placement tests reported better scores on tests and more students going on to attend college. Similarly, anecdotal evidence from the Education Innovation Laboratory preliminarily displays improvement in academic performance.
Of course, as benefactors of the Education Innovation Laboratory rewards, students have positive reviews. Many students are enthusiastic and give thoughtful reflections about the effects of receiving money for their efforts. One 12-year-old seventh grader in the Washington, D.C. district said "I think it's a good way to motivate kids to do good work…. I think it's a good idea for the public schools." A 14-year-old student in Chicago said "I'm happy because I'm getting paid for my grades. And so, I want to work harder." This student’s response shows that receiving incentives for high performance has the correlative effect of feeling good about doing well, which could nurture an inherent joy for learning.
Administrators have a huge stake in making sure that student performance improves. In Washington, D.C., the intent of Chancellor Michelle Rhee’s appointment was largely to confront the district’s achievement gap. In her district, 36 percent of students are proficient in reading and 33 percent are proficient in math. Rhee is in favor of the controversial incentives-based program as far as it is effective, saying that it is worth a try. The focus in Washington, D.C. is on middle school students, since that is the time when students have the most difficulties with behavior and academic performance. Providing incentives helps them connect current performance with future success. Rhee says that “expecting students to do well in middle school is asking them to make a calculation on skills that will help them graduate from high school and succeed in college, ideas that to them are foreign and very far away." Rhee’s perspective is similar to that of former Chicago Public Schools CEO Arne Duncan and other administrators who are willing to test any promising strategy that will improve student performance.
While district administrators have embraced incentives for student performance, school principals have been wary of the program at first but have changed their minds upon seeing results. For example, Sheila Richards, principal of a school in Brooklyn, was opposed to Fryer’s project until she saw marked increases in student grades and students learning new values and skills to take care of their money by saving it in bank accounts. Other principals were skeptical until Dr. Fryer pitched it to them then said “We want to do whatever it takes, so if this is it, I am going to get on board.”
Parents have had mixed reactions to the practice of providing cash incentives to students for their performance. Michelle Rhee says that she has received no complaints from parents of students who are in the program. One parent and activist in D.C., though, is reported to have said that she wants her kids “to see reading and learning as something they want to do their entire life, not just something they're getting money for doing."
The achievement gap has effects beyond those on the lives of teachers, students, their families and administrators: the vibrancy of local communities depends on the strength of its citizens. In Chicago, one of the test areas where selected students in public schools receive cash for their grades, the Chicago Sun-Times published an editorial in favor of Dr. Fryer’s work for the benefits it could provide to society, saying “we like this idea and, if anything, it doesn't go far enough.” The editorial says that the rest of the world is driven by incentives so if that’s how children are going to learn, learning needs to become students’ paying job. Students must learn skills that will help them understand the world and function effectively in society, and the eventual rewards extend beyond what the students receive to benefit society.
My appreciation of this issue will be expressed most in my day-to-day classroom activities. Equipped with an understanding of how incentives for performance help students connect their daily performance in school with what they want on both the short-term and long-term scale, I can adjust my classroom efforts to maximize student achievement. While I have neither the organizational support nor the resources to give my students cash incentives, I can create a predictable, reliable, privilege-bearing incentives system that will help children realize the benefits of doing well on tests, having good attendance, and behaving well in class. I can generate reports that show the correlation between the receipt of incentives and indicators of student performance. Then, if studies such as Dr. Fryer’s ever extend to the Miami-Dade area, I can be a voice of support, having conclusive data that shows such a program can work for the students who are now limited by Miami-Dade’s achievement gap.
more things to keep
Humor me as I attempt to remember everything I want to keep from this weekend.
-I rode the bus to the Orlando temple and did an endowment session. The session was in Spanish, the translator headphones were annoying and inconsistent, and I mostly understood it, so I listened the whole time in Spanish. Yep.
-The charter bus picked up people from Kendall, Miami Beach, Plantation, and West Palm Beach. The Miami Beach cohort sat in the back and was the loudest and most fun and very aware of the possibility of being annoying. We have great branch unity.
-I worked on my graduate admission essay on the bus yesterday, then this morning before church and for a few hours tonight. I just submitted the entire application. I've always wanted to go to graduate school (which has usually meant international politics, justice, medicine, law, journalism, and usually not education unless it was ed policy or administration), so it was a big moment.
-I read a few chapters of 2 Nephi this morning and they were powerful. I am able to do mine own work is one of my favorite scriptural phrases, and the importance of Wherefore murmur ye, because that ye shall receive more of my word? struck me. I find the Book of Mormon so intellectually stimulating, its doctrines so logical (I know...) and aligned. The Book of Mormon always sustains my interest.
-The assistants to the president came to our ward council/executive council meeting this morning, and they were so sharp and authoritative on how things are supposed to function. I LOVE people who know what they're talking about in situations that need to be somewhat reformed, without being arrogant of course. It's so refreshing.
-Also one of them told me something about Cuba...
-I finalized plans today for an engagement at the opera next weekend with precisely the person I'd want to go with, we had fun arranging the details, he seems pretty happy about it, and I am not driving. This makes me feel very proud of myself. The anticipation will get me through the week.
-I helped the missionaries get a new investigator or two. One guy walked into church wearing a vintage Where the Wild Things are t-shirt, skinny jeans, and a hat with a feather in it. Also he had a serious Boston accent. Awesome, except I shouldn't have told him I liked his style and his accent because he started being a little too nice to me. At least he'll probably come to institute this week. He wrote it down, anyway.
-On the bus (4+ hours each way), we really got to know each other through some interesting topics of conversation (you can guess what topic we found most pressing) and I felt right at home today at church. Like I felt like people know more about what I'm really like (this is important to me since I never act completely like me in new situations), and that that person is confident and caring and joyful and bold, and the barriers I perceived before are largely gone. I've found out some amazing things about people as I've gotten to know them and have found it so rewarding.
-My hair was awesome today. I did a loose, low updo and placed my black silk flower at the side of it, and it actually looked good. Someone asked me if I did it myself.
-My mission president wrote me a letter of recommendation where he called me articulate, well educated, and charismatic. It said "I was able to witness Savanna develop a deep love and respect for individuals from third-world cultures and rather impoverished backgrounds while at the same time I witnessed her conversing well and relating with the most educated and sophisticated Melbournians..." This letter made me think about those people--both impoverished and sophisticated--that I did love deeply. Every day I realize a bit more how valuable my mission experience was and continues to be.
-A few people wrote letters of recommendation for me without giving them much time to complete the task, and I am so humbled by their willingness to turn around the somewhat ridiculous deadlines I gave them.
-November is the perfect time of year in Miami. The weather is perfect. After church we just stood in the parking lot and stared at the water and boats and setting sun.
-I'm craving some out-of-town visitors. Who is coming in December/January?
-I rode the bus to the Orlando temple and did an endowment session. The session was in Spanish, the translator headphones were annoying and inconsistent, and I mostly understood it, so I listened the whole time in Spanish. Yep.
-The charter bus picked up people from Kendall, Miami Beach, Plantation, and West Palm Beach. The Miami Beach cohort sat in the back and was the loudest and most fun and very aware of the possibility of being annoying. We have great branch unity.
-I worked on my graduate admission essay on the bus yesterday, then this morning before church and for a few hours tonight. I just submitted the entire application. I've always wanted to go to graduate school (which has usually meant international politics, justice, medicine, law, journalism, and usually not education unless it was ed policy or administration), so it was a big moment.
-I read a few chapters of 2 Nephi this morning and they were powerful. I am able to do mine own work is one of my favorite scriptural phrases, and the importance of Wherefore murmur ye, because that ye shall receive more of my word? struck me. I find the Book of Mormon so intellectually stimulating, its doctrines so logical (I know...) and aligned. The Book of Mormon always sustains my interest.
-The assistants to the president came to our ward council/executive council meeting this morning, and they were so sharp and authoritative on how things are supposed to function. I LOVE people who know what they're talking about in situations that need to be somewhat reformed, without being arrogant of course. It's so refreshing.
-Also one of them told me something about Cuba...
-I finalized plans today for an engagement at the opera next weekend with precisely the person I'd want to go with, we had fun arranging the details, he seems pretty happy about it, and I am not driving. This makes me feel very proud of myself. The anticipation will get me through the week.
-I helped the missionaries get a new investigator or two. One guy walked into church wearing a vintage Where the Wild Things are t-shirt, skinny jeans, and a hat with a feather in it. Also he had a serious Boston accent. Awesome, except I shouldn't have told him I liked his style and his accent because he started being a little too nice to me. At least he'll probably come to institute this week. He wrote it down, anyway.
-On the bus (4+ hours each way), we really got to know each other through some interesting topics of conversation (you can guess what topic we found most pressing) and I felt right at home today at church. Like I felt like people know more about what I'm really like (this is important to me since I never act completely like me in new situations), and that that person is confident and caring and joyful and bold, and the barriers I perceived before are largely gone. I've found out some amazing things about people as I've gotten to know them and have found it so rewarding.
-My hair was awesome today. I did a loose, low updo and placed my black silk flower at the side of it, and it actually looked good. Someone asked me if I did it myself.
-My mission president wrote me a letter of recommendation where he called me articulate, well educated, and charismatic. It said "I was able to witness Savanna develop a deep love and respect for individuals from third-world cultures and rather impoverished backgrounds while at the same time I witnessed her conversing well and relating with the most educated and sophisticated Melbournians..." This letter made me think about those people--both impoverished and sophisticated--that I did love deeply. Every day I realize a bit more how valuable my mission experience was and continues to be.
-A few people wrote letters of recommendation for me without giving them much time to complete the task, and I am so humbled by their willingness to turn around the somewhat ridiculous deadlines I gave them.
-November is the perfect time of year in Miami. The weather is perfect. After church we just stood in the parking lot and stared at the water and boats and setting sun.
-I'm craving some out-of-town visitors. Who is coming in December/January?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
sms archives
"Sentimental geek! Shut up and go to sleep!" --a Ryan Adams song.
(I do not claim that this post is interesting to anyone but myself. Maybe that should be a general disclaimer.)
This is not high on today's priorities list, but my saved text messages at the moment are at 99% capacity because I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DELETE the ones I like. It reaches 100% every day so I have to go through them and delete a couple so I can get new ones. I am a sentimental geek! I think I keep my text messages as satellite-delivered tributes to my human relationships. I wish I still had others I've deleted before. I'm going to transfer my received messages from my phone without editing them. And then I'll delete them from my phone. Yes, I will delete them.
(I don't think I'm violating anyone's trust/privacy...?)
7.2.08 ZA, one of my YMCA summer day camp kids: "Haha na its cool lol no u were my favret u were cooler then the other teachers lol."
7.13.08 CK, first Boston roommate, a week after we'd met: "Haha. YOU are the hilarious one. You've got hot moves, girl. And I LOVE YOU!!"
8.13.08 AW: "Savanna you're hilarious! I'm really looking forward to rooming with ya!"
8.25.08 NK, after teaching an FHE lesson on the banks of the Charles River: "Savanna, thank you for the awesome lesson! It was just what we needed! You're a doll!"
9.4.08 GM: "I am here at logan international :-) thank you for everything"
9.11.08 SM, when he mistakenly wandered into the Harvard office at where he didn't know I was working, reflecting on the time we went together to ask about their public policy program: "I cant help but see the irony that only a few months ago you were on the other side of that desk feeling very nervous to talk to the person sitting in the chair where you now sit so confidently."
9.12.08 TO: "I just shook barack obama's hand"
9.13.08 CK, on a consolatory message re: the death of her hamster, which we may or may not have buried near Walden Pond: "Thanks. Rob and i are planning the funeral for tonight."
9.17.08 CR: "You are a brilliant writer! Your election year entry was somewhat sporadic but i enjoyed reading it ;)"
10.4.08 CB: "I thought of you immediately when elder perry started talking of walden pond. That means we're friends. Happy conference weekend!"
10.4.08 LAE: "Elder Perry's talk this morning made me think of my visit to Boston and our exciting dip in Walden. That was pretty memorable!"
10.22.08 SM: "i just happened upon john kerry adjusting his socks"
10.27.08 AN: ":) nice one. We prayed for you last night about your job interview and read scriptures"
11.8.08 TO, two days early: "Happy birthday savannana!" two days later: "Happy birthday for real!"
11.10.08 CLN: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! LOVE YA 24?!? Crazy!"
11.10.08 VF: "Savanna!! Hope u have a great day :)"
11.10.08 JLS: "My gorgeous rose! I hope you having an amazing birthday today! I love you!"
12.8.08 SM, in response to "Iconoclast!": "Subscribe!"
12.11.08 SH, when I had a desk job replacing a lady called Pam and my supervisor, who spent a lot of time with me teaching me stuff, was Jim (this kept me going): "Altho ur croatia gift has always been hangin in my kitchen i just realized it makes a great xmas tree ornament! How r u, pam?"
12.15.08 BC: "You know--it totally made my day to hear from you. Last week, I kept thinking I wanted to email you or something and then there was your lovely text! Thank you."
12.21.08 JLS, reference to The Little Prince: "Well I am sure you can tame him, my little fox."
12.25.08 RC: "Happy Christmas! I love you lots!"
1.5.09 AN: "Bye! Miss you already! I am so happy you came down! Love love love love love love love you"
1.13.09 B, on learning of my TFA interview: "Why wouldn't they love you. You're totally lovable. Good on ya!"
1.13.o9 AN, on learning of my TFA interview: "OF COURSE YOU DID! Yay! :) :) :) kill em"
1.26.09 B, on a significant moment: "There's your fax."
2.24.09 XW, coming to get me after my train journey from Beijing to Shanghai: "I'm almost there. the traffic is bad in shanghai when it rains."
3.31.09 AM: Hey girl! I love you and shall miss you! I wish we were still bashing around beantown writing npr stories together! Thanks for taking such great care of us!"
4.16.09 AS. I won this battle: "Your mom is inappropriate"
5.2.09 LL: "Sorry, i had to cut it short because the people next to me are breaking up and i didn't want to miss all the juicy conversation. :-)"
5.5.09 CMN, in response to "we make a great team": "Yes we do"
5.11.09 CR: "Um, sure. Don't move. Please"
5.15.09 CR: "That flower your supervisor gave you was a delphineum. I just found it and thought of you :) Hope the drive is going well!"
5.15.09 SH, on telling her that my travel companion believes she's one of the nicest people on the planet: "Aw he must not know you very well then cuz id say you'd win that prize."
5.15.09 AN, from the brain of a 13-year-old: "Nicee. Is he a friend.. Or you know... Friendlier? Haha"
5.28.09 AN: "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i love emergency pancakes!"
6.6.09 TO: "I can see florida becoming a holy place with ur help"
6.11.09 PJC: "You guys are the stars!! Thank you all for being so hard working and dedicated for your students!!"
6.13.09 CR: "I just saw a pigeon use a crosswalk. Walked the whole thing. And even waited for a car to pass. Ha!"
6.20.09 SM: "I was climbing one of utah's tallest mountains. I meant to climb the tallest one but my map was not very accurate so i climbed the one next to it :)"
7.22.09 AG "aww it's totally true :) we all know p loves you :)"
7.25.09 SM, hilarious response to "Can we go to Cuba if it opens while I live in Miami?": "If we can afford it"
8.18.09 SO: "Room 233 = the class of a thousand new beginnings"
9.1.09 SM, in response to "I can see Cuba from my house": "Haha. Sav, you're great! How many friends do i have that can appreciate a quality joke like that? :) "
9.4.09 SM, after leaving staying with my family while I was not there: "Now leaving the most educated town in america. Thanks Sav we had fun"
9.5.09 TO, when I resented that I couldn't find any BYU football fans and was watching the game alone: "I'm watching it with you"
9.17.09 CK: "You're hot and i would love for you to teach my kids. That's all."
10.3.09 CDN, when Pres. Monson announced plans to construct a temple in South Florida: "Ft lauderdale! You got your wish ..."
10.23.09 SM, in response to "I'm eating Cuban food. Viva la revolucion!": "Viva la sav!"
10.31.09 CR, in response to "I might not come back from Boston": "We love u and miss u! And this is your home now, remember?"
10.2.09 JW, I'd just gotten through security at the airport: "I miss you already..."
I'm not deleting this year's birthday messages yet!!!! They're still fresh.
(I do not claim that this post is interesting to anyone but myself. Maybe that should be a general disclaimer.)
This is not high on today's priorities list, but my saved text messages at the moment are at 99% capacity because I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DELETE the ones I like. It reaches 100% every day so I have to go through them and delete a couple so I can get new ones. I am a sentimental geek! I think I keep my text messages as satellite-delivered tributes to my human relationships. I wish I still had others I've deleted before. I'm going to transfer my received messages from my phone without editing them. And then I'll delete them from my phone. Yes, I will delete them.
(I don't think I'm violating anyone's trust/privacy...?)
7.2.08 ZA, one of my YMCA summer day camp kids: "Haha na its cool lol no u were my favret u were cooler then the other teachers lol."
7.13.08 CK, first Boston roommate, a week after we'd met: "Haha. YOU are the hilarious one. You've got hot moves, girl. And I LOVE YOU!!"
8.13.08 AW: "Savanna you're hilarious! I'm really looking forward to rooming with ya!"
8.25.08 NK, after teaching an FHE lesson on the banks of the Charles River: "Savanna, thank you for the awesome lesson! It was just what we needed! You're a doll!"
9.4.08 GM: "I am here at logan international :-) thank you for everything"
9.11.08 SM, when he mistakenly wandered into the Harvard office at where he didn't know I was working, reflecting on the time we went together to ask about their public policy program: "I cant help but see the irony that only a few months ago you were on the other side of that desk feeling very nervous to talk to the person sitting in the chair where you now sit so confidently."
9.12.08 TO: "I just shook barack obama's hand"
9.13.08 CK, on a consolatory message re: the death of her hamster, which we may or may not have buried near Walden Pond: "Thanks. Rob and i are planning the funeral for tonight."
9.17.08 CR: "You are a brilliant writer! Your election year entry was somewhat sporadic but i enjoyed reading it ;)"
10.4.08 CB: "I thought of you immediately when elder perry started talking of walden pond. That means we're friends. Happy conference weekend!"
10.4.08 LAE: "Elder Perry's talk this morning made me think of my visit to Boston and our exciting dip in Walden. That was pretty memorable!"
10.22.08 SM: "i just happened upon john kerry adjusting his socks"
10.27.08 AN: ":) nice one. We prayed for you last night about your job interview and read scriptures"
11.8.08 TO, two days early: "Happy birthday savannana!" two days later: "Happy birthday for real!"
11.10.08 CLN: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! LOVE YA 24?!? Crazy!"
11.10.08 VF: "Savanna!! Hope u have a great day :)"
11.10.08 JLS: "My gorgeous rose! I hope you having an amazing birthday today! I love you!"
12.8.08 SM, in response to "Iconoclast!": "Subscribe!"
12.11.08 SH, when I had a desk job replacing a lady called Pam and my supervisor, who spent a lot of time with me teaching me stuff, was Jim (this kept me going): "Altho ur croatia gift has always been hangin in my kitchen i just realized it makes a great xmas tree ornament! How r u, pam?"
12.15.08 BC: "You know--it totally made my day to hear from you. Last week, I kept thinking I wanted to email you or something and then there was your lovely text! Thank you."
12.21.08 JLS, reference to The Little Prince: "Well I am sure you can tame him, my little fox."
12.25.08 RC: "Happy Christmas! I love you lots!"
1.5.09 AN: "Bye! Miss you already! I am so happy you came down! Love love love love love love love you"
1.13.09 B, on learning of my TFA interview: "Why wouldn't they love you. You're totally lovable. Good on ya!"
1.13.o9 AN, on learning of my TFA interview: "OF COURSE YOU DID! Yay! :) :) :) kill em"
1.26.09 B, on a significant moment: "There's your fax."
2.24.09 XW, coming to get me after my train journey from Beijing to Shanghai: "I'm almost there. the traffic is bad in shanghai when it rains."
3.31.09 AM: Hey girl! I love you and shall miss you! I wish we were still bashing around beantown writing npr stories together! Thanks for taking such great care of us!"
4.16.09 AS. I won this battle: "Your mom is inappropriate"
5.2.09 LL: "Sorry, i had to cut it short because the people next to me are breaking up and i didn't want to miss all the juicy conversation. :-)"
5.5.09 CMN, in response to "we make a great team": "Yes we do"
5.11.09 CR: "Um, sure. Don't move. Please"
5.15.09 CR: "That flower your supervisor gave you was a delphineum. I just found it and thought of you :) Hope the drive is going well!"
5.15.09 SH, on telling her that my travel companion believes she's one of the nicest people on the planet: "Aw he must not know you very well then cuz id say you'd win that prize."
5.15.09 AN, from the brain of a 13-year-old: "Nicee. Is he a friend.. Or you know... Friendlier? Haha"
5.28.09 AN: "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i love emergency pancakes!"
6.6.09 TO: "I can see florida becoming a holy place with ur help"
6.11.09 PJC: "You guys are the stars!! Thank you all for being so hard working and dedicated for your students!!"
6.13.09 CR: "I just saw a pigeon use a crosswalk. Walked the whole thing. And even waited for a car to pass. Ha!"
6.20.09 SM: "I was climbing one of utah's tallest mountains. I meant to climb the tallest one but my map was not very accurate so i climbed the one next to it :)"
7.22.09 AG "aww it's totally true :) we all know p loves you :)"
7.25.09 SM, hilarious response to "Can we go to Cuba if it opens while I live in Miami?": "If we can afford it"
8.18.09 SO: "Room 233 = the class of a thousand new beginnings"
9.1.09 SM, in response to "I can see Cuba from my house": "Haha. Sav, you're great! How many friends do i have that can appreciate a quality joke like that? :) "
9.4.09 SM, after leaving staying with my family while I was not there: "Now leaving the most educated town in america. Thanks Sav we had fun"
9.5.09 TO, when I resented that I couldn't find any BYU football fans and was watching the game alone: "I'm watching it with you"
9.17.09 CK: "You're hot and i would love for you to teach my kids. That's all."
10.3.09 CDN, when Pres. Monson announced plans to construct a temple in South Florida: "Ft lauderdale! You got your wish ..."
10.23.09 SM, in response to "I'm eating Cuban food. Viva la revolucion!": "Viva la sav!"
10.31.09 CR, in response to "I might not come back from Boston": "We love u and miss u! And this is your home now, remember?"
10.2.09 JW, I'd just gotten through security at the airport: "I miss you already..."
I'm not deleting this year's birthday messages yet!!!! They're still fresh.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I can do this.
For the first 6 or so weeks of my new job, I found it unavoidable to come home after a 10-hour day of teaching science (if you can call it that) and stare at the wall, or at something else that didn't talk or require anything of me, for a few hours. I'm sure I painted the wall with the question "WHAT just happened?" using the same pigment that children use to compose imaginary friends. (Of course, the question never had an answer.) Then I would fall asleep involuntarily, wake up, panic, prepare for the next day, get a little sleep, wake up with my mind racing, work some more, put my ailing Saab on an autopilot course to the middle school, and come home at 6 or later for a few more hours of wall-staring.
The height of this shocked exhaustion came on Friday nights, when I could stare at the wall for hours without threat of an ensuing panic session and the pressure of inner-city 12-year-olds looming. I knew this was the time most people used to decompress--teachers love a little thing called happy hour, but I had no energy beyond what it takes to push the up button on the elevator, turn the key, and collapse in the living room.
I snapped out of these "WHAT just happened?" sessions about a month ago, and I've spent far fewer hours staring at walls and more doing actual work or having fun with friends. I haven't chosen to spend a Friday night or Saturday night at home since the first weekend in October. I think this is a crucial point in my career, and I'm pretty sure it can only get better from here.
The height of this shocked exhaustion came on Friday nights, when I could stare at the wall for hours without threat of an ensuing panic session and the pressure of inner-city 12-year-olds looming. I knew this was the time most people used to decompress--teachers love a little thing called happy hour, but I had no energy beyond what it takes to push the up button on the elevator, turn the key, and collapse in the living room.
I snapped out of these "WHAT just happened?" sessions about a month ago, and I've spent far fewer hours staring at walls and more doing actual work or having fun with friends. I haven't chosen to spend a Friday night or Saturday night at home since the first weekend in October. I think this is a crucial point in my career, and I'm pretty sure it can only get better from here.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
how to save the world
I think one of the most noble and necessary things individuals, families, communities, societies, governments, intergovernmental associations can do is to incorporate others' self-interest with their own.
This is what makes families work. This is what can quench the violence that robs young adults of their lives, what can reverse the impoverishment of desperate communities that are made invisible to the consciousness of the comfortable class, what can soothe the conflicts that drain nations of their wealth. This is why charity (in the pure love of Christ sense, not in the tax-deductible contribution sense) is powerful: when I love you, your self-interest actually becomes mine and your happiness becomes my intrinsic motivation.
I know it's not that simple, and I know it's obvious, but this is my important realization for the weekend.
This is what makes families work. This is what can quench the violence that robs young adults of their lives, what can reverse the impoverishment of desperate communities that are made invisible to the consciousness of the comfortable class, what can soothe the conflicts that drain nations of their wealth. This is why charity (in the pure love of Christ sense, not in the tax-deductible contribution sense) is powerful: when I love you, your self-interest actually becomes mine and your happiness becomes my intrinsic motivation.
I know it's not that simple, and I know it's obvious, but this is my important realization for the weekend.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Do you ever smile?
Today, one of my students in one of my new classes that I taught for the second time just today asked me this question, which I ignored: "Do you ever smile? do you ever laugh?"
YESSSSSS!!!!!
If you know me well, you know this is a BIG accomplishment. ;)
I've actually been very serious at work.
(By the way, the reason my blog is called Savanna still smiles is that my parents may have gotten my name from a movie called Savannah Smiles, which is about this little rich girl that gets kidnapped and is so cute and sweet that she melts her captors' hearts--just like me, correct? Savanna smiles, but Ms. Nilsen does not, at least not for a few more successful class periods with this new set of kids.)
(And the still in Savanna still smiles comes from something else, which I may write about when I possess the appropriate amount of gravity.)
YESSSSSS!!!!!
If you know me well, you know this is a BIG accomplishment. ;)
I've actually been very serious at work.
(By the way, the reason my blog is called Savanna still smiles is that my parents may have gotten my name from a movie called Savannah Smiles, which is about this little rich girl that gets kidnapped and is so cute and sweet that she melts her captors' hearts--just like me, correct? Savanna smiles, but Ms. Nilsen does not, at least not for a few more successful class periods with this new set of kids.)
(And the still in Savanna still smiles comes from something else, which I may write about when I possess the appropriate amount of gravity.)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
it's a fact
This graph, from 0 to probably half an hour before 9, represents actual amounts of sleep I've gotten before a day of teaching. The zero to 4s were HARD weeks. Yes, weeks.
The dependent variable and proposed relationship may/may not be true and/or meaningful. But I had this strange impulse to create a graph using Microsoft Paint--which, by the way, has improved a lot since the last time I used it.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
guilt
I have to send my mission president some photos and as I've been looking through them tonight, the foremost thing I've felt is regret for all the things I know very well I could have and should have done better and the people I should have done better at loving. This annoys me because I know most of my work and relationships there were good. Why do I do this to myself? Does anyone know what I mean?
And now to lighten the mood, here's a sequence of photos. Sister Mesake and I had birthdays a week apart (November 10, that's right, mark it in your digital calendar. It's only weeks away.). The elders brought us exactly two cupcakes (I did ask them where the other 10 went). I found this hilarious when we did it; I find it hilarious tonight.
And now to lighten the mood, here's a sequence of photos. Sister Mesake and I had birthdays a week apart (November 10, that's right, mark it in your digital calendar. It's only weeks away.). The elders brought us exactly two cupcakes (I did ask them where the other 10 went). I found this hilarious when we did it; I find it hilarious tonight.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
a title is a first impression that i'm hesitant to make right now
Because I want to be emotionally resilient and loyal to my record of boldly doing intimidating things on my own, I have been avoiding using this word
lonely
but I have disliked Miami over the past couple of weeks and it has to stop and I don't think it will until I confront
lonely
as it stands before me.
Plus, I doubt that I had my faithful audience fooled.
:)
Allow me to explain: most of the people in my YSA branch are younger and live with their families about 30-40 minutes away from me and speak mostly Spanish. They generally definitely buy into pop culture more than I do. They often go out together to eat in big, lively, chatting groups after activities. By contrast, I moved out seven years ago. I take life really seriously and need really deep connections with people. There is only one other returned sister missionary. We get along well. She lives with her family like half an hour away. Everyone is really so so friendly. I don't understand, though, how I can form those meaningful relationships without more common ground. And I know that sounds selfish.
Today in Sunday School, one of the guys who attends the same Sunday morning meetings I do was accessing a Koran app on his iPhone. He was also talking about something interesting about the Koran he saw on the Discovery Channel. You know this means my hope regarding the previous paragraph immediately shot up. :) But I can't really tell him he's my numero uno prospect for a great friend. Haha.
I have some especially solid friendships with people in my program, but our ideas of how to use weekends differ greatly to the point where I need to severely limit my time with them. I will leave you to make inferences there. It's really important to me to be in wholesome environments, not just avoid behaviors that take place in more permissive environments. Sigh, in other words, I'm just weird.
And then there's the city. I hope I can figure out how my intellectual self fits in with Miami's urban glam. I think that's going to involve lots of exploring and trying lots of new things, which I can definitely handle. But if I'm to maximize the fun, I have to convince others that what I like to do is actually interesting. ;)
Current ambitions include driving around the design district photographing murals (okay, I can handle urbanity), snorkeling as often as possible, camping in the Everglades, taking dance lessons again (free in Boston; $10-15 a session in Miami), ethnic food, the 2010 opera season, getting a beach cruiser, using the faculty gym after school, moonlight ocean swimming. I must must must must learn Spanish. I think I'm also starting a Master's of Science in Education and Social Change next semester. Being in a university setting will definitely make me feel like I'm in my element. And I have a pretty great calling, which if I pay more attention to it, can be very rewarding.
This concrete gift has arrived despite my feelings of isolation despite being surrounded: I have tremendous clarity regarding what I want out of life and the people that are in it over the next several years.
By the way--while I appreciate that, yes, things will get better, I'm not the defeatist "things will get better eventually" type. I'm the "make things better now" type.
(I'm also mildly terrified, if that is possible, that after all this I'll find I'm not actually interested in education reform, and that international relations is what it always claimed to be, my true passion. I'll address that at an indefinite later.)
lonely
but I have disliked Miami over the past couple of weeks and it has to stop and I don't think it will until I confront
lonely
as it stands before me.
Plus, I doubt that I had my faithful audience fooled.
:)
Allow me to explain: most of the people in my YSA branch are younger and live with their families about 30-40 minutes away from me and speak mostly Spanish. They generally definitely buy into pop culture more than I do. They often go out together to eat in big, lively, chatting groups after activities. By contrast, I moved out seven years ago. I take life really seriously and need really deep connections with people. There is only one other returned sister missionary. We get along well. She lives with her family like half an hour away. Everyone is really so so friendly. I don't understand, though, how I can form those meaningful relationships without more common ground. And I know that sounds selfish.
Today in Sunday School, one of the guys who attends the same Sunday morning meetings I do was accessing a Koran app on his iPhone. He was also talking about something interesting about the Koran he saw on the Discovery Channel. You know this means my hope regarding the previous paragraph immediately shot up. :) But I can't really tell him he's my numero uno prospect for a great friend. Haha.
I have some especially solid friendships with people in my program, but our ideas of how to use weekends differ greatly to the point where I need to severely limit my time with them. I will leave you to make inferences there. It's really important to me to be in wholesome environments, not just avoid behaviors that take place in more permissive environments. Sigh, in other words, I'm just weird.
And then there's the city. I hope I can figure out how my intellectual self fits in with Miami's urban glam. I think that's going to involve lots of exploring and trying lots of new things, which I can definitely handle. But if I'm to maximize the fun, I have to convince others that what I like to do is actually interesting. ;)
Current ambitions include driving around the design district photographing murals (okay, I can handle urbanity), snorkeling as often as possible, camping in the Everglades, taking dance lessons again (free in Boston; $10-15 a session in Miami), ethnic food, the 2010 opera season, getting a beach cruiser, using the faculty gym after school, moonlight ocean swimming. I must must must must learn Spanish. I think I'm also starting a Master's of Science in Education and Social Change next semester. Being in a university setting will definitely make me feel like I'm in my element. And I have a pretty great calling, which if I pay more attention to it, can be very rewarding.
This concrete gift has arrived despite my feelings of isolation despite being surrounded: I have tremendous clarity regarding what I want out of life and the people that are in it over the next several years.
By the way--while I appreciate that, yes, things will get better, I'm not the defeatist "things will get better eventually" type. I'm the "make things better now" type.
(I'm also mildly terrified, if that is possible, that after all this I'll find I'm not actually interested in education reform, and that international relations is what it always claimed to be, my true passion. I'll address that at an indefinite later.)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I saw France
Tee hee, I'm writing at school, delighted that I found an interesting portal to the internet that somehow has not yet been blocked. I may be terminated from the blogosphere in a few minutes.
Yesterday, in the middle of class, student, A., stood up but his pants fell down, leaving me with a sudden view of his plaid underclothes. He was in the back of the class and he and I were the only two people that noticed. A. looked at me with an urgent, silent plea to not react, and I just said calmly that I saw nothing. No student who watched my face when it happened would have even known that anything had happened, and no one wondered what I was talking about.
I am a wonderful teacher.
Yesterday, in the middle of class, student, A., stood up but his pants fell down, leaving me with a sudden view of his plaid underclothes. He was in the back of the class and he and I were the only two people that noticed. A. looked at me with an urgent, silent plea to not react, and I just said calmly that I saw nothing. No student who watched my face when it happened would have even known that anything had happened, and no one wondered what I was talking about.
I am a wonderful teacher.
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