The thing I really wanted to ultimately say is we need to choose a better way to do business than asking people we don't really know on [first] dates. :)
Your comments tell me I was not very clear about that.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
imbalance of power
I'm going to get statistical with you.
The background: My institute class when I lived in Boston was on relationships. My stake president's wife (with whom I shared a mutual sense of you're-pretty-awesome) devised a curriculum that included all sorts of relationships. Dating was certainly on the agenda with rows full of young single adults, but much of it was about relationships with God, family, friends, and self; having fun; difficult conversations; and so on.
The stimulus: I want to address a position I expressed when we were talking about dating. The general question was is it okay for a lady to ask out a guy (those are my favorite words to describe each gender, I think). I do not intend this to be a thorough or even accurate analysis, but an insight into how I feel about this subject.
The short answer: This was the answer I said in class: I am accustomed to identifying something I want to happen and then making it happen. In fact, I think I'm pretty good at it. If I identify what I think will be a good relationship and elect to initiate something, I'm expressing an integral part of who I am. If he is uncomfortable with that, he will not appreciate that aspect of what it means to be Savanna and probably won't fully appreciate me anyway. Next.
(There are so many assumptions embedded in this topic, one of which is that going on dates as we know it is the best way to form a relationship that will lead to courtship, which I actually don't believe one little bit. Perhaps I don't believe it because I see myself as outside the reaches of success under this system; perhaps I don't believe it because I think the process is fundamentally flawed. I have so much to say about this, but not now.)
Now I'm to the good part. Or is it the bad part?
The position: I feel like in the traditional dating model (guy meets a lady, guys asks her to join him in a structured evening activity, lady accepts or declines), there is a huge imbalance of power.
When I have brought this up, some of my guy friends have replied that women have more control than they think they do over their dating lives because they can issue signals that reveal their availability and interest. If that is power, it is very soft power. It can be misinterpreted; it can be misunderstood; it can be conveniently ignored; it is rarely resolved; it is hardly resolvable.
The conceptualization: I illustrate the imbalance of power problem in the traditional dating scheme using an oversimplified model: one man, ten women. Each is single. Each is singing "wouldn't you love somebody to love?" in their head. At this point, the man can choose among any of the ten women to ask on a date. The value of his power of choice is 10. He chooses one woman to ask. At this point, she has a binary choice: yes is 1 and no is 0. The value of her power of choice is .5. He has 20 times as much power as she does. And the only reason she even has any power is that he offered it to her. The other 9 women have zero power and they will have none until they receive a similar offer. If we distribute this power to choose across all ten women, each has an average power-to-choose value of .05 for each event. Compared to any given woman in this set, he has 200 times as much decision-making power as she does.
As someone who values people having the freedom to pursue worthwhile things in life, I reaaaaally dislike that disparity.
Introduce more men into the system, you say? It doesn't change the validity of the model; if all women in the set are single, every man in the set has an equal opportunity to invite every woman in the set. Scheduling conflicts from women having multiple engagements are irrelevant because they are easy to resolve. Also, the way things usually go, only a few of the ten women would regularly receive an opportunity to exercise their power of choice, even with more men offering opportunities.
The concluding opinion: In such highly critical situations that will dramatically influence each person's life, the power to decide should be distributed more evenly.
The background: My institute class when I lived in Boston was on relationships. My stake president's wife (with whom I shared a mutual sense of you're-pretty-awesome) devised a curriculum that included all sorts of relationships. Dating was certainly on the agenda with rows full of young single adults, but much of it was about relationships with God, family, friends, and self; having fun; difficult conversations; and so on.
The stimulus: I want to address a position I expressed when we were talking about dating. The general question was is it okay for a lady to ask out a guy (those are my favorite words to describe each gender, I think). I do not intend this to be a thorough or even accurate analysis, but an insight into how I feel about this subject.
The short answer: This was the answer I said in class: I am accustomed to identifying something I want to happen and then making it happen. In fact, I think I'm pretty good at it. If I identify what I think will be a good relationship and elect to initiate something, I'm expressing an integral part of who I am. If he is uncomfortable with that, he will not appreciate that aspect of what it means to be Savanna and probably won't fully appreciate me anyway. Next.
(There are so many assumptions embedded in this topic, one of which is that going on dates as we know it is the best way to form a relationship that will lead to courtship, which I actually don't believe one little bit. Perhaps I don't believe it because I see myself as outside the reaches of success under this system; perhaps I don't believe it because I think the process is fundamentally flawed. I have so much to say about this, but not now.)
Now I'm to the good part. Or is it the bad part?
The position: I feel like in the traditional dating model (guy meets a lady, guys asks her to join him in a structured evening activity, lady accepts or declines), there is a huge imbalance of power.
When I have brought this up, some of my guy friends have replied that women have more control than they think they do over their dating lives because they can issue signals that reveal their availability and interest. If that is power, it is very soft power. It can be misinterpreted; it can be misunderstood; it can be conveniently ignored; it is rarely resolved; it is hardly resolvable.
The conceptualization: I illustrate the imbalance of power problem in the traditional dating scheme using an oversimplified model: one man, ten women. Each is single. Each is singing "wouldn't you love somebody to love?" in their head. At this point, the man can choose among any of the ten women to ask on a date. The value of his power of choice is 10. He chooses one woman to ask. At this point, she has a binary choice: yes is 1 and no is 0. The value of her power of choice is .5. He has 20 times as much power as she does. And the only reason she even has any power is that he offered it to her. The other 9 women have zero power and they will have none until they receive a similar offer. If we distribute this power to choose across all ten women, each has an average power-to-choose value of .05 for each event. Compared to any given woman in this set, he has 200 times as much decision-making power as she does.
As someone who values people having the freedom to pursue worthwhile things in life, I reaaaaally dislike that disparity.
Introduce more men into the system, you say? It doesn't change the validity of the model; if all women in the set are single, every man in the set has an equal opportunity to invite every woman in the set. Scheduling conflicts from women having multiple engagements are irrelevant because they are easy to resolve. Also, the way things usually go, only a few of the ten women would regularly receive an opportunity to exercise their power of choice, even with more men offering opportunities.
The concluding opinion: In such highly critical situations that will dramatically influence each person's life, the power to decide should be distributed more evenly.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
à mon avis
Some of the most unattractive things a person can say (and you may assume the converse is true):
"I don't want to know what is going on in the world"
or
"I don't care to read the newspaper because it's only bad news"
[If the second is you, allow me to help you with your media literacy.]
I've heard these statements several times this week, and they are just ugly to me.
"I don't want to know what is going on in the world"
or
"I don't care to read the newspaper because it's only bad news"
[If the second is you, allow me to help you with your media literacy.]
I've heard these statements several times this week, and they are just ugly to me.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Things that MUST happen this summer
In order to count this summer a success, Savanna will...
...in tandem with her collab group, lead her students to meet their summer growth goals (TFAspeak).
...in tandem with her collab group, lead her students to pass the 8th grade math CRCT and go to high school.
...see fireflies.
...hike in the redwoods. Take many photos.
...swim in a river.
...pay my respects to my grandfather who is buried in northern California and whose funeral I missed while I was in Australia.
...generally enjoy the family road trip.
...tour NASA headquarters.
...be an agritourist, by which I mean go see Adam's orange grove.
...find an apartment with a fitness center and a pool, which is pretty much the standard in Miami.
...spend some time with the grandparents.
...spend some time with the mission friends.
...spend some time with the BYU friends.
...visit Utah in order to fulfill the previous three requirements.
...lay on a blanket in Provo canyon and stare at the sky, which must be peppered with stars and embellished with shooting stars
...play at 7 Peaks.
...work out a way to refuse someone's offer to buy me an alcoholic drink with humor and while preserving their dignity.
...move to Miami.
...spend a weekend in Savannah.
...attend a wedding.
...distribute thank-you tokens as appropriate.
...find a pair of attractive and functional shoes for teaching.
...consume a pork salad and horchata at Costa Vida. Or is it Costa Azul?
...update my personal financial management scheme, which right now is vaguely defined as "spend as little money as possible." I need an accounting system.
...get in touch with all the people I said I would get in touch with and haven't.
...create a management, investment, and procedures system for my classroom that I can believe in.
...get a tennis racket.
...decide what kind of tone and tenor I want my professional life to have and deliberately act in accordance with that in all micro-to-macro decisions I make. (I'm starting to see what kind of influence I want to be on people and situations...)
To be updated. Any suggestions?
(notice how I add some things that I am definitely, unavoidably going to do? I need to give myself a few points on the success-o-meter.)
...in tandem with her collab group, lead her students to meet their summer growth goals (TFAspeak).
...in tandem with her collab group, lead her students to pass the 8th grade math CRCT and go to high school.
...see fireflies.
...hike in the redwoods. Take many photos.
...swim in a river.
...pay my respects to my grandfather who is buried in northern California and whose funeral I missed while I was in Australia.
...generally enjoy the family road trip.
...tour NASA headquarters.
...be an agritourist, by which I mean go see Adam's orange grove.
...find an apartment with a fitness center and a pool, which is pretty much the standard in Miami.
...spend some time with the grandparents.
...spend some time with the mission friends.
...spend some time with the BYU friends.
...visit Utah in order to fulfill the previous three requirements.
...lay on a blanket in Provo canyon and stare at the sky, which must be peppered with stars and embellished with shooting stars
...play at 7 Peaks.
...work out a way to refuse someone's offer to buy me an alcoholic drink with humor and while preserving their dignity.
...move to Miami.
...spend a weekend in Savannah.
...attend a wedding.
...distribute thank-you tokens as appropriate.
...find a pair of attractive and functional shoes for teaching.
...consume a pork salad and horchata at Costa Vida. Or is it Costa Azul?
...update my personal financial management scheme, which right now is vaguely defined as "spend as little money as possible." I need an accounting system.
...get in touch with all the people I said I would get in touch with and haven't.
...create a management, investment, and procedures system for my classroom that I can believe in.
...get a tennis racket.
...decide what kind of tone and tenor I want my professional life to have and deliberately act in accordance with that in all micro-to-macro decisions I make. (I'm starting to see what kind of influence I want to be on people and situations...)
To be updated. Any suggestions?
(notice how I add some things that I am definitely, unavoidably going to do? I need to give myself a few points on the success-o-meter.)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
made not born
Two stones in my pocket girl, I keep them for my dreams
I give them both to you now 'cause you need them more than me
--a song
(Listen, I'm using the weblog these days mostly to process my response to challenges. Please don't assume they represent my general state of mind. Please?)
First day of July 2007, nearly seven months about arriving in Australia: I found out I'd be training a new missionary, a Fiji Indian Australian. I'd just been abruptly removed from a city-like area I felt like was mine (to replace a missionary who had to go home) to a remote area where I felt very uncomfortable. I overhead a conversation between two people that sounded something like this: "Sister Nilsen is training...that's weird...yeah I didn't expect that either." What?! It was not a supportive conversation and compounded the insecurities I already felt about my preparation to help set the tone for one of the most important experiences of this person's life.
A few days later at the transfer meeting, I cornered a selection of my mission leaders and friends and asked each one "do you believe in me?" I needed to hear from someone that I trusted to tell me that they did so I could use it as material to convince myself to do the same.
June 2009, a new experience with its accompanying insecurities and doubts confronts me: intensive round-the-clock excellent teacher training--the best training in the country, I believe. Teaching 8th grade math at summer school in a high-stakes environment. If these children don't learn from me, they're not going to high school with their classmates next year. Equipping myself to be a competent secondary science teacher in an urban school this fall. I wish I could address in a sentence or two how high the standards are around here.
I need someone I trust to believe in me.
My corps member adviser (CMA, the one who is with a group of 12 of us at school all day, who reviews our lesson plans and teaching) is an absolute priceless gem. I am in awe over his dedication to his students, his powers of expression and articulation, his vibrant personality, his wit, his thoughtfulness, his sense of honor, his moral compass that points fiercely to integrity. The man is unreal. Can you tell he is my newest hero?
Mr. CMA has told a few people that he believes they are going to be great teachers, that he sees great potential in them. He did tell me that TFA doesn't make mistakes in choosing people, but that comment wasn't about me specifically. I know this is selfish, but I need him...or someone who has insight into this experience and into me...to tell me they believe in me and why. I need to know exactly how what TFA and my students need connects with what I have to offer. I need to know that somewhere in the future lives a Ms. Nilsen with a pure character, with the abundance of creativity and organization and energy and diligence and selflessness and solar system mobiles and management and lesson plans and insight and data and baking soda volcanoes and dedication that will allow my students to experience success every day and maximize their life prospects.
I need to know so I can talk myself into believing it. :)
I give them both to you now 'cause you need them more than me
--a song
(Listen, I'm using the weblog these days mostly to process my response to challenges. Please don't assume they represent my general state of mind. Please?)
First day of July 2007, nearly seven months about arriving in Australia: I found out I'd be training a new missionary, a Fiji Indian Australian. I'd just been abruptly removed from a city-like area I felt like was mine (to replace a missionary who had to go home) to a remote area where I felt very uncomfortable. I overhead a conversation between two people that sounded something like this: "Sister Nilsen is training...that's weird...yeah I didn't expect that either." What?! It was not a supportive conversation and compounded the insecurities I already felt about my preparation to help set the tone for one of the most important experiences of this person's life.
A few days later at the transfer meeting, I cornered a selection of my mission leaders and friends and asked each one "do you believe in me?" I needed to hear from someone that I trusted to tell me that they did so I could use it as material to convince myself to do the same.
June 2009, a new experience with its accompanying insecurities and doubts confronts me: intensive round-the-clock excellent teacher training--the best training in the country, I believe. Teaching 8th grade math at summer school in a high-stakes environment. If these children don't learn from me, they're not going to high school with their classmates next year. Equipping myself to be a competent secondary science teacher in an urban school this fall. I wish I could address in a sentence or two how high the standards are around here.
I need someone I trust to believe in me.
My corps member adviser (CMA, the one who is with a group of 12 of us at school all day, who reviews our lesson plans and teaching) is an absolute priceless gem. I am in awe over his dedication to his students, his powers of expression and articulation, his vibrant personality, his wit, his thoughtfulness, his sense of honor, his moral compass that points fiercely to integrity. The man is unreal. Can you tell he is my newest hero?
Mr. CMA has told a few people that he believes they are going to be great teachers, that he sees great potential in them. He did tell me that TFA doesn't make mistakes in choosing people, but that comment wasn't about me specifically. I know this is selfish, but I need him...or someone who has insight into this experience and into me...to tell me they believe in me and why. I need to know exactly how what TFA and my students need connects with what I have to offer. I need to know that somewhere in the future lives a Ms. Nilsen with a pure character, with the abundance of creativity and organization and energy and diligence and selflessness and solar system mobiles and management and lesson plans and insight and data and baking soda volcanoes and dedication that will allow my students to experience success every day and maximize their life prospects.
I need to know so I can talk myself into believing it. :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Evidence
Ammon, speaking of his converts: "We can witness of their sincerity, because of their love towards their brethren and also towards us" (Alma 26:31).
Moroni, quoting a letter from his father Mormon: "Wherefore, I would speak unto you that...are the peaceable followers of Christ, and that have obtained a sufficient hope by which ye can enter into the rest of the Lord...I judge these things of you because of your peaceable walk with the children of men" (Moroni 7:3-4).
The quality of your conviction, and even your future, is evident in and expressed by the way you treat others.
Moroni, quoting a letter from his father Mormon: "Wherefore, I would speak unto you that...are the peaceable followers of Christ, and that have obtained a sufficient hope by which ye can enter into the rest of the Lord...I judge these things of you because of your peaceable walk with the children of men" (Moroni 7:3-4).
The quality of your conviction, and even your future, is evident in and expressed by the way you treat others.
Monday, June 8, 2009
it comes to this
[This is a few days old. I need this even more now than I did when I started. It's mostly for myself and is a very limited picture of what is actually a complex new experience.]
Hi. Humor me please. I need to take a few minutes before finishing some work to "remember how merciful..." lest I forget and grow bitter with difficulty. My first day of TFA training--known to us as institute--is nearing an end. It was a hard day with getting up at 5, breakfast in the dining hall at 5:30, being on a yellow school bus at 6:20, and falling asleep for microseconds throughout the sessions today. (I wanted to write a beautifully reflective piece on my induction week--when I met Miami--but I haven't had the wherewithal. I REALLY admire and like TFA as an organization: its integrity, transparency, mission, organization, but that is a serious other entry.)
->I moved into my own austere bedroom in an apartment-style dorm at Georgia Tech last night. I last did that as a freshman in 2002. It's a strange and lonely experience. While I was moving stuff, one of my Bostonian friends called and left a voicemail to say he was just telling someone how wonderful I am. And that he thought I needed to know that. Do you know how perfect that was for that very moment?
->I got an expected letter from Australia today. The beginning says "Every time I read your letters, I just think, 'man, Savanna is so smart and sophisticated.'" The end says I'm a great mate (yes, mate) and that I'm awesome. Thank you, yes.
->We received our summer school assignments today. I'm teaching 8th grade math. The students have to pass a high-stakes exam at the end of these five weeks or they can't progress to high school. This is actually the placement I was hoping for. Some people have half-day reading, half-day math assignments and have to attend extra literacy meetings. I graded some assessments today. Yeah we have a lot of work to do.
->This is a great one. If you had access to my silent prayers yesterday, they may have sounded something like this: "Listen, help? Please? Bank of America is paying for my life. I don't want to be that girl." I found my car in the parking garage of Janna's dad's condo where I left it last week and anticipated paying an $8/day parking charge for 9 days, but the pay machine was broken and the gate was up. Providential? I think yes.
->I've gotten pretty lucky with random roommates lately. My roommate from the hotel in Miami is Allie, who just graduated from Notre Dame. I'd have to say our senses of humor are QUITE compatible. We already have a treasure trove of inside jokes. I actually adore her. We eat most meals together along with the other LDS girl, married Sarah. I'm unaccustomed to having a set group of friends who assume we'll be spending time together, so I'm adjusting to this nice surprise.
->I woke up on Wednesday morning during induction last week with pink eye. It spread to both eyes by the next morning. Much of my experience in Miami was avoiding the people in my corps outside of programming and coating myself with hand sanitizer. They avoided me as well. (I do appreciate that they've acknowledged this--and me--now that I'm no longer a liability.) In the last post I said I don't deal well with transitions. Very true. I also don't deal well with looking ugly. My eyes were red, my face was swollen, I had to wear glasses the whole time and no mascara, and my skin and hair weren't happy either. Actually I've realized my hair will never look nice as long as I'm on the East coast. My point is I am feeling far better with my green-not-pink eyes.
-> The dining hall features unlimited chocolate milk.
->I filled out a personal survey today that asked for something about me not many people would know. I highlighted that in the past few years I have volunteered at the Olympics in Athens, explored war sites in Sarajevo, and introduced myself to shepherds and their flocks of goats on the banks of the Yellow River. I'm so amazed that a person with limited resources could make those things happen, and so thankful for those experiences that are so meaningful to me.
-> Institute is reminiscent sometimes of various uncomfortable yet enjoyable experiences like high school, the dorms, the MTC, but I am about 57,000 times more confident now. I like that about growing up.
OH. People who are in a place that is a lot like the MTC, except more confronting, more uncomfortable, further from home, more foreign, longer, and where you get a lot less sleep, appreciate surprises in the mailbox even more than people in the MTC. Now accepting postcards, love letters, owls, media mail, singing telegrams, affidavits, etc. at this address:
Hi. Humor me please. I need to take a few minutes before finishing some work to "remember how merciful..." lest I forget and grow bitter with difficulty. My first day of TFA training--known to us as institute--is nearing an end. It was a hard day with getting up at 5, breakfast in the dining hall at 5:30, being on a yellow school bus at 6:20, and falling asleep for microseconds throughout the sessions today. (I wanted to write a beautifully reflective piece on my induction week--when I met Miami--but I haven't had the wherewithal. I REALLY admire and like TFA as an organization: its integrity, transparency, mission, organization, but that is a serious other entry.)
->I moved into my own austere bedroom in an apartment-style dorm at Georgia Tech last night. I last did that as a freshman in 2002. It's a strange and lonely experience. While I was moving stuff, one of my Bostonian friends called and left a voicemail to say he was just telling someone how wonderful I am. And that he thought I needed to know that. Do you know how perfect that was for that very moment?
->I got an expected letter from Australia today. The beginning says "Every time I read your letters, I just think, 'man, Savanna is so smart and sophisticated.'" The end says I'm a great mate (yes, mate) and that I'm awesome. Thank you, yes.
->We received our summer school assignments today. I'm teaching 8th grade math. The students have to pass a high-stakes exam at the end of these five weeks or they can't progress to high school. This is actually the placement I was hoping for. Some people have half-day reading, half-day math assignments and have to attend extra literacy meetings. I graded some assessments today. Yeah we have a lot of work to do.
->This is a great one. If you had access to my silent prayers yesterday, they may have sounded something like this: "Listen, help? Please? Bank of America is paying for my life. I don't want to be that girl." I found my car in the parking garage of Janna's dad's condo where I left it last week and anticipated paying an $8/day parking charge for 9 days, but the pay machine was broken and the gate was up. Providential? I think yes.
->I've gotten pretty lucky with random roommates lately. My roommate from the hotel in Miami is Allie, who just graduated from Notre Dame. I'd have to say our senses of humor are QUITE compatible. We already have a treasure trove of inside jokes. I actually adore her. We eat most meals together along with the other LDS girl, married Sarah. I'm unaccustomed to having a set group of friends who assume we'll be spending time together, so I'm adjusting to this nice surprise.
->I woke up on Wednesday morning during induction last week with pink eye. It spread to both eyes by the next morning. Much of my experience in Miami was avoiding the people in my corps outside of programming and coating myself with hand sanitizer. They avoided me as well. (I do appreciate that they've acknowledged this--and me--now that I'm no longer a liability.) In the last post I said I don't deal well with transitions. Very true. I also don't deal well with looking ugly. My eyes were red, my face was swollen, I had to wear glasses the whole time and no mascara, and my skin and hair weren't happy either. Actually I've realized my hair will never look nice as long as I'm on the East coast. My point is I am feeling far better with my green-not-pink eyes.
-> The dining hall features unlimited chocolate milk.
->I filled out a personal survey today that asked for something about me not many people would know. I highlighted that in the past few years I have volunteered at the Olympics in Athens, explored war sites in Sarajevo, and introduced myself to shepherds and their flocks of goats on the banks of the Yellow River. I'm so amazed that a person with limited resources could make those things happen, and so thankful for those experiences that are so meaningful to me.
-> Institute is reminiscent sometimes of various uncomfortable yet enjoyable experiences like high school, the dorms, the MTC, but I am about 57,000 times more confident now. I like that about growing up.
OH. People who are in a place that is a lot like the MTC, except more confronting, more uncomfortable, further from home, more foreign, longer, and where you get a lot less sleep, appreciate surprises in the mailbox even more than people in the MTC. Now accepting postcards, love letters, owls, media mail, singing telegrams, affidavits, etc. at this address:
Friday, May 22, 2009
not ready
I'm feeling lost right now.
I leave home for the airport in about an hour. Once I arrive in Boston at midnight, I pretty much have zero unstructured time until training in Atlanta ends July 11. My week or so at home hasn't been amazing, though we've had some therapeutic and fun times together, and I haven't accomplished everything I needed and wanted to do. And that's fine. But I really resent what I feel right now--isn't leaving the family at home supposed to get easier as I get older and establish a life elsewhere? My sisters and mother (and probably brothers and father, but they haven't vocalized it as much) don't appreciate that I am leaving, not even for this great new job I somehow got. I don't understand where I am supposed to take up shop between loyalty and opportunity.
I'm also scared about leaving the friends I love. I just realized that I define success in my life in part by the relationships I create. I've found that success in unexpected, often rare, places and separating from that graciously bestowed depth of association is painful. I know I'll rebuild in Miami and Atlanta, even though I don't know one person there, but excavating for such friendships is a very deliberate process that takes months.
So, I'll miss you. Yes, you. And you. Keep in touch, because transitions are hard for me. :)
At least Alise is coming with me for the flight back to Boston and the part of the drive that ends in DC. I think I'm done taking important journeys alone.
I leave home for the airport in about an hour. Once I arrive in Boston at midnight, I pretty much have zero unstructured time until training in Atlanta ends July 11. My week or so at home hasn't been amazing, though we've had some therapeutic and fun times together, and I haven't accomplished everything I needed and wanted to do. And that's fine. But I really resent what I feel right now--isn't leaving the family at home supposed to get easier as I get older and establish a life elsewhere? My sisters and mother (and probably brothers and father, but they haven't vocalized it as much) don't appreciate that I am leaving, not even for this great new job I somehow got. I don't understand where I am supposed to take up shop between loyalty and opportunity.
I'm also scared about leaving the friends I love. I just realized that I define success in my life in part by the relationships I create. I've found that success in unexpected, often rare, places and separating from that graciously bestowed depth of association is painful. I know I'll rebuild in Miami and Atlanta, even though I don't know one person there, but excavating for such friendships is a very deliberate process that takes months.
So, I'll miss you. Yes, you. And you. Keep in touch, because transitions are hard for me. :)
At least Alise is coming with me for the flight back to Boston and the part of the drive that ends in DC. I think I'm done taking important journeys alone.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
fortune telling à la Google Maps
As part of my job, I have to send people applications. I get their addresses from a voicemail they leave me. Sometimes I use Google Maps to verify an address I don't understand and I have found that it doubles as an eerily reliable predictor of the future.
This is a section of Boston that I happened upon just a few days after I found out I was moving to Florida and that I would belong to the Orlando temple district. Please note Colorado and Orlando running parallel to each other and Savannah proficiently negotiating the balance between them. Agile, isn't she? Tennis, the sport I played through four years at Skyline, happily tags along.
View Larger Map
Also, I have a list of about 6 or 8 names that I like for future little people. I found streets with 3 (!) of them in a momentous, cautious dance in a town near the cape of Massachusetts. They're the streets starting with J, A, and E. (Ew! No! Not Acushnet, the other A street that is also the beautiful name of a city in Australia I've never seen. I have a city name so I think one of the little people must have a city name as well.)(E seems to like to hide behind that persistent flag asking if you want directions. You can move the map around a little to find it. [Yay! I figured out how to embed stuff. I have a future in manipulating technology.])
View Larger Map
This is a section of Boston that I happened upon just a few days after I found out I was moving to Florida and that I would belong to the Orlando temple district. Please note Colorado and Orlando running parallel to each other and Savannah proficiently negotiating the balance between them. Agile, isn't she? Tennis, the sport I played through four years at Skyline, happily tags along.
View Larger Map
Also, I have a list of about 6 or 8 names that I like for future little people. I found streets with 3 (!) of them in a momentous, cautious dance in a town near the cape of Massachusetts. They're the streets starting with J, A, and E. (Ew! No! Not Acushnet, the other A street that is also the beautiful name of a city in Australia I've never seen. I have a city name so I think one of the little people must have a city name as well.)(E seems to like to hide behind that persistent flag asking if you want directions. You can move the map around a little to find it. [Yay! I figured out how to embed stuff. I have a future in manipulating technology.])
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Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I thought I'd temper my last post with a compelling question
I'm not sure whether it is legal to post the article text so here is the link.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102778066
Michel's question is near the end: How does one negotiate over right and wrong?
I was hoping she would do a follow up but she hasn't yet.
"Gay Marriage Debate Riddled with Bad Assumptions"
by Michel Martin, NPR, Can I Just Tell You?, Tell Me More, 6 April 2009
(I'm an NPR addict)
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=102778066
Michel's question is near the end: How does one negotiate over right and wrong?
I was hoping she would do a follow up but she hasn't yet.
"Gay Marriage Debate Riddled with Bad Assumptions"
by Michel Martin, NPR, Can I Just Tell You?, Tell Me More, 6 April 2009
(I'm an NPR addict)
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